Don't Be-Little

This topic has presented itself to me on many levels lately, and repeatedly. In writing about topics like this--the ones which are common in my work and personal life--I'm usually sensitive to the chance that someone I know will read what I write and think, she's talking about me.

This time, I'm not worried about that, because if the reader finds her-or himself thinking it, they are probably right and hopefully will soon feel better for having made the connection. This is an issue that soooooo many people need help with, and I'm glad if I can be of service.

The subject is: Self-criticism. Negative self-talk. Cutting oneself down. Saying rude things about oneself. Do you do that? Do you say I'm so old, I look fat, I have bad hair, I hate my skin, or I'm not as fill-in-the-blank as I should be?

It's beyond polite modesty, let's get that out of the way right off the bat. And it's more than just having bouts of low self-esteem, too. Those are normal but you tend to recover from them when the next nice little ego boost comes along. You think you dress like a pauper compared to so-'n-so at the office, then so-'n-so walks by and compliments your suit. There now, all better.

No, this is more than that. This is looking down on yourself and admitting it. This is insulting yourself with comments you'd never think to say about someone you care about... or even a stranger. And yes, if you think at this point, she's talking about me, then as I said, you're right, so allow me to be of service.

If you look in the mirror and critique your flaws on a regular basis over a period of time, then we can safely say
A) you're never getting any better (?? by your own standards of measurement at least) and
B) you're not satisfied being who you are (but, but...who else can you be?)

So, while this topic has been presenting itself to me via several people I care for, hear from or hear about, I first had to question myself. Do I do this? Do I belittle myself? Well, I try not to, that much I know. Not because I don't find fault with myself, instead I guess it's because I don't believe in that kind of complaining. Plus I get sick of hearing myself say the same things over and over. I bet I solve at least half my so-called dilemmas just by shutting up about myself. I first learned this when I was much younger.

I was around a campfire saying how gross my legs were because the skin was so dry, all patchy like an alligator and oh gawd I couldn't belive believe I was wearing shorts, and then !BOOM! a big thud in the dirt beside me made me jump. It was a large bottle of Nivea. Followed by the voice of an older friend who said, "Here then, do something about it!"

Okay, so what if you can't do something, you wonder...say, you have excema or the pain of psoriasis...so if it's me across the campfire from you while you lament yourself, then guess what? I'm taking you aside to ask would you criticize my skin if I had a medical condition? Would you call my skin ugly and disgusting? Whoa, what's going to happen if I'm in a fire and become a burn victim? I know your answer, your answer is no, you wouldn't be that mean, of course not....

In my life, I've learned that I'm happiest when I am tolerant of and realistic about the human condition. I value authenticity, and I don't necessarily feel comfortable in the midst of "perfection". I believe in the art of imperfection, and that includes me. I relish what makes people interesting and fun and unique and warm... and few of those things EVER have anything to do with the way people look. Unless they have unusual looks. Then, all the more interesting, really.

But enough about me and what I value. What about you? This week I'm challenging people who read my blog here, my facebook group, and my new little twitter, with this question:

Ask yourself, how do you benefit from negative self-talk and regular self-criticism of your physcial features? For some, especially women, there is a daily inner dialogue which, if held with anyone else besides self, would be considered insensitive and nitpicky-- or even rude and mean.

Specifically, what good comes from your inner dialogue? Remember, it's YOU telling yourself stuff. It's YOU talking about YOU and to YOU. Sometimes, in the company of others.

You know, we create stories about ourselves. We make up stories and then we tell them to ourselves and others, and begin to act as if they are true. We decide how worthy and brave and beautiful and energetic we are, or not, and then we live that way. As if! Maybe it's time for a bit of story editing.

Once you carefully consider the voices you allow inside your own head, and connect them with the results that manifest in your life, I bet you'll see where some real improvements might be made. Quit bullying around a nice person (you). It hurts me to discover there are people who belittle people I care about (you, you).

You're a bigger person than that, I know it.